Gideon Burtka-Harris’s Slow-Cooked Eggs Recipe

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS: Hi! We’re making our family brunch, and Gideon is starting with his eggs. Take it away and tell us about your recipe, Gid.

GIDEON BURTKA-HARRIS: It’s weird to use a recipe because I’ve done it so many times that I just eyeball the entire thing.

NPH: Okay, Chef. But since you want the Wondercade readers to learn, tell us what you’re doing as you do it. Talk us through it.

GBH: Okay. I’ve already cracked six eggs and added a portion of heavy cream. So it looks like Mars — a bit milky, and red or orange.

DAVID BURTKA: Gideon, do you know that expression, “Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider, boys go to Mars to get more candy bars”?

GBH: Umm, how old are you?

NPH: [Groans] So, Gideon, you use one quarter cup of heavy cream?

GBH: Yes. But before I add it, immediately after cracking the eggs, I wash my hands. Sometimes I do it twice.

NPH: Safety first, smart. You never want to run into a guy named Sal Monella. He’s filthy. And runs an auto body shop in Brooklyn. Always avoid Sal Monella.

DB: [Groans] Neil.

GBH: Now I’m whisking. Most people just whisk the eggs until there’s a lot of yolk left, but I mix it so that it’s almost watery.

DB: Interesting. And I see you’re using a fork as opposed to a whisk.

GBH: Yeah, I like using a fork because I have a much better grip on things. Unlike you two.

NPH: Agreed. And you’re lifting the fork out of the egg mixture to check its viscosity. Boom. I know big words. 

DB: Do you add your salt and pepper now, while it’s in the bowl?

GBH: That’s the secret! A pinch of black pepper and more than a pinch of salt into the mix. And now that we’ve added the salt and pepper it looks like, I don’t know, Mars in an asteroid field. It’s a little crowded here, don’t you think?

DB: Your cooking surface is crowded?

GBH: Yeah, can we remove some of these pots and pans?

NPH: Okay, I’m sorry, Chef. We’ll get you a pristine surface.

GBH: Please do. [We do.] Okay, now I’m ready to cook. The first thing I add to my pan is my bacon grease. You take the remaining grease from when you cook the bacon and pour it — strain it — into a bowl…

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DB: …It’s good to strain it because you get all your black burnt bits out, and you’ll have nice, clear bacon grease.

GBH: Right. And then when you use it, the eggs have the aftertaste of bacon. It’s the best. Once it’s in the pan, the only thing you want to do is just slowly move the spatula around the sides into the center.

DB: And you have it on low heat?

GBH: Low heat. These are slow-cooked eggs!

NPH: You’ll do this for an hour, two hours?

GBH: Maybe three…nah, I’m kidding. It takes about 10 minutes.

DB: And you’re just moving the spatula around in a constant stir, so nothing sticks to the bottom?

GBH: If you’re really impatient, you can speed it up a little with higher heat, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

DB: Another trick for doing scrambled eggs is to put them on medium heat and cook them for about 30 seconds, scramble them, then take them off the heat and then scramble them again, and then put it back for 30 seconds, put it back on the heat. That gets that nice small curd that you like.

GBH: So it’s really starting to get up to temperature now. Just keep going around the sides with your spatula. That is a huge tip, because that is where all the egg tends to stick. And don’t forget the middle! Go around the sides and make, like, what’s that red sign…?

NPH: A Do Not Enter sign?

GBH: The sign in Ghostbusters, like their logo. This is also the time that you might want to sprinkle chives over the eggs.

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DB: Mmm. Could you add cheese at this point?

GBH: If you want, but I don’t usually add cheese. I just think it makes the whole thing…cheesy.

NPH: Like Dad—

DB: [Simultaneously] —Like Papa.

GBH: Yup. Also, eggs really tend to cook down, this is what I have now.

NPH: It seemed like you were making enough eggs for an entire football team. And now that it’s cooked down, it feels like enough for maybe two players. That was football terminology, because I’m into sports.

DB: Football season is over.

NPH: What? When did that happen? It’s looking like it’s almost done…Gid, are you going to put it in a bowl? We have one that’s great…it’s super. It’s a super bowl. That’s another sports reference.

GBH: Please stop.

NPH: Okay.

DB: They’re looking great!

NPH: The chives are present, the eggs look fluffy, light, almost creamy. Not dry, like my wit.

GBH: And your skin.

NPH: It’s cold out, I’m dehydrated. But still funny. Oh wow, look at those eggs, well done! And that’s the recipe for Gideon’s slow-cooked, bacon fat…

GBH: …yummy eggs.

NPH: Anything else you want to call it? Yummy eggs-plosion?

GBH: Yummy eggs-plosion!

NPH: Slow-cooked, bacon fat, yummy eggs-plosion. You’re welcome.

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